The day it all fell apart, nine days before Christmas that year, I made two calls. The first was to our children’s school to notify them that our kids wouldn’t be returning. The second was to Jamie.

Jamie was my safety net that day. She listened well and when I choked out, “We can’t breathe here. Can we come?” without hesitation, she said, “Yes! Come. Stay as long as you need.” 

Jamie and her husband Rick were just doing what they always did--loving people well. They had no idea what they provided met one of the most core needs a human has after experiencing trauma; a safe, stable, relationship to turn to in the midst of the storm.

Their safe friendship and home were the most healing parts of those initial hours. Their genuine care set the trajectory for our healing and secured our confidence that the Lord would provide every step of the way for us even though our hearts were broken. 

But I can’t help but wonder, what if we hadn’t had this friendship?

Ten years earlier, having already been in ministry for years, we had intentionally set out to create our own team. The first members we recruited were our fellow seminarians at the time. Pastor’s families need other pastor’s families because we “get” each other without having to say a word. We knew it wasn’t if the need would arise, but when the need would arise.

Here are 4 reasons you need a team, too.

1) We were created for community.

In the garden, before there was any evil and sin in the world, God declared that it was “not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) For this reason, he fashioned Eve out of the rib of Adam and then declared her “good.” Needing other people is a design of the perfect world! It is a reflection of the image of the triune God.

It is not weak to need others but quite the opposite. Our brains were fashioned to function at their best when we receive and give love in a safe, appopriately attached way. 

But then sin entered into this safe and perfect design and forever marred what was God’s original, created, good design. We all bear the marks of sin’s impact upon this good created order, but we are still called to utilize community and this is shown even more so in the New Testament when Christ calls us, brothers and sisters in Him, his Bride.

Safe, appropriately attached, loving community is still His good design. 

2) We are called to serve and love broken people.

Sometime after God’s good, perfect creation, Satan decided to rebel and was cast out of heaven. His anger and his search for his own glory set him on a path to destroy all that God created as good by twisting it, causing us to doubt God’s good heart and design, and to begin to believe lies about all that He made as good.

Now we live in this broken world that is full of hurting people. They hurt us because they themselves are hurting. People are unable to love well because they have not learned to receive God’s love. 

We need a team so we can have a safe place when other people hurt us.

…When unkind words that can never be recalled are spoken.

…When betrayal happens as someone seeks their own glory and gain.

...When lies are spoken and trust and reputation is shattered into a million pieces.

We need a safe place, chosen with wisdom and prayer, so that we can be reminded of the truths of who God is and who we are in Him.

We need a team because we heal from our wounds through relationships.

3) We live in a broken world.

Satan’s plan was to destroy all God created as good – and that included God’s glorious physical creation as well. Instead of growing in fertile ground, now the earth had to be worked in order to keep weeds from choking out good growth. The animals began to attack one another in order to feed their own bellies. Accidents began to happen because the perfection of the world was no longer. Our physical bodies began to decay and thus entered sickness and disease.

We need a team because we need a safe place to land when we encounter the physical reality of this sin-sick world. Until heaven, gone are the days where only “good things” happen. The reality is we will face illness and disease, loss and destruction – and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

God’s design for living in community is a way that healing happens when we face the physical pain of living in this decaying world.

4) We are broken people.

We can’t escape the pain others and the world will inevitably bring us but we also can’t escape our own flesh! Yes, if Christ is in us, we are a new creation (halleluiah!), but that doesn’t take away still having to walk around in this flesh. We will hurt others, too. We will have to process pain and learn to grow in maturity as we face our own sin and flesh.

We need a team to help us have a safe place to process this pain and to help gently point out our own sins.

***** INSERT CANVA GRAPHIC - TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE *****

I’m so glad we made the decision early on in ministry to begin to build our own team. I wish we had added more “players” to our team, though. Friends in ministry are essential, but they aren’t the only people you should intentionally seek out to be on your team. In this post I give an overview of what a team might look like so please check it out. The reason we need more than just friends is because our friends aren’t always properly equipped to take care of injuries. It would be ridiculous to expect our friends to be our doctor, too, and yet we often skip out on this vital part of our personal team. Professionals (doctors, counselors, coaches, spiritual directors, etc.) are especially equipped to help us with the darkest, most painful situations we will face in life. These professionals have the knowledge and training to help us when our bodies get “stuck” from trauma, abuse, neglect, and deep loss. They are trained in ways that our friends simply are not and should not be expected to be.

It is essential to seek out this team while you are still in a good place, if you can. However, it’s never too late! Even if you are in a painful place today, consider one person you could reach out to to begin building the team you’ve always needed. Then, when the storms of death and decay, abuse and rejection hit, you will have this safe, trusted place that will be there as our safe place, just like Jamie and Rick were for me and my family.

To hurt is bad enough, but to hurt alone destroys people physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Michael Slater

(A special note: Dear Jamie, Rick and Family: your friendship has meant so much to us. We never knew we’d need it so much as we did on that day and saying, “Thank you” honestly doesn’t begin to suffice. Though we’re miles apart now, we’re thankful that you were a part of our personal team and are grateful for your willingness to love the Lord by loving others so well. May He continually give you strength to walk in this way. We’re confident offering safety and love is a part of who you are because you live a life overflowing from Him. Abide in Him, He’ll meet you there. Psalm 16:11.)